First of all I was listening to Jimmy Justice and he was the inspiration for the title of this post!
3 years ago I decided that I was going to write my life story. A memoir. I thought that my life was exciting enough that I would be able to put it in writing. People would laugh and write reviews about this amazing book about this amazing woman who survived all this shit!
Then I decided that most of us have survived shit. And what would be so different about my shit and other people’s shit? I don’t mean to call it shit in a bad way, but a lot of it was bad and it was shit.
I wrote Chapter 1. I haven’t looked at it in 3 years, because there was a barrier. That barrier was my brain. It made me stop writing because I would have to recollect all the memories that I have saved up inside of it. I would have to write out all the things about all the stories that I have told multiple times to friends, to family, to anyone who could relate.
So today, I was having tea with a man who I work with and we never sat down to chat before. We admire each other very much, but we never sat down to chat or get to know each other. Today we did, and it tortured my little hamster wheel in my brain, and made it move very very very fast…
I always think that I’m always alone in the way I have lived, or the relationships I have kept (or not), the troubles that I go through and all of things that make me special.
Both of us have a very challenging relationship with our parents. We’re not the only ones. The challenge IS the relationship. I know a lot of others who have challenges too. All so different, yet so similar.
Coming to terms with the fact that my relationship with my Mother is so far gone hurts very much inside, but it also helps to know that I am not the only one in this world that is in this situation.
So this brings me back to my book. Originally, the book was supposed to focus on a very different story of my life, and my challenge today is getting past that barrier. Though I think I may have moved it over to the right a little bit…
My goal for the next few months is to open up that chapter and continue the story. Even if I don’t ever have it published in a book, I will share it with anyone who will read it as we all have our own story to tell. Stay Tuned…