The art of gratitude, or not.

2012 was like a reflective pool of awesomeness. I learned a lot about myself and about the people around me (as well as.. the people I don’t want around me).

I learned that it’s OKAY to have expectations and if those expectations don’t follow through that it’s OKAY to be disappointed.

They always says “Expect nothing and you won’t be disappointed.” As much as I would love to believe that phrase, I can’t. I cannot accept that I should have low expectations from people. There are certain moments when you have to let it roll off your back, but I will be damned if I don’t have any expectations of anything or anyone in this world.

I mean, I have high expectations of myself, so why would I lower that for anyone else? I don’t.

I read a great article in Psychology Today (my favourite mag) and it really made me go “YES, THAT!” The Healing Gift of Non Gratitude. I wish I would have found it sooner, as it would have explained all the fluff going on in my head.

Reading that in the past week was my a-ha moment, if there ever was one.

I still cry.
I still am sad.
I still am angry.
I still am happy.
I still laugh.
I still LOVE and I still LIVE.

I trust my feelings.

And it’s okay. It’s all okay. I don’t need to be perfect. I don’t need to accept things I don’t want to. I don’t have to believe something just because you tell me so. I don’t have to have low expectations because that’s the way it should be (it shouldn’t). I don’t have to believe in anything if I don’t want to. I don’t have to do what you tell me because you think you can.

Does that make sense? In my head it does. Here’s to an eye opening 2013.

Most of all, this is my world, right here.

My world.

They saved me. They’ve made me a better person. And I, in turn, get to take care of them.

I love you Veronica, Natalie & Darcy. Without you, I would be a shell of myself. With you, I am a hard shell full of love.