I’ve recently been feeling like the cloud of great despair has lifted. Not that all are aware of this cloud, but mostly it’s in my own head.
About 6 weeks ago I started on Celexa, which I feel has helped me lift out of this fog, or whatever you want to call it. I have been a much happier and less moody person. A much happier me = a much happier boyfriend, kids, and all around greatness. I’m not saying that depending on a pill should make you happy, but for me it works, and if something works, I’m all for it. So the naysayers, can.. suck it!
Last night was my last Burlesque class until April 17th where I start the more ‘advanced’ class and I must say that the experience has been an eye opener for my personal development. Mostly, it has beengreat for my self esteem.
Being a very curvy and voluptuous woman (and dare I say somewhat overweight), I have learned that no one really cares what you look like when you’re stripped down to your skivvies. Infact, we all look at each other in amazement and awe, that holy SHIT we are all pretty much naked in front of each other and that is okay. I know that in real life, we are all in judgment of each other, but I shall ignore it from now on. Or at least try to. The girls in my class have done nothing but compliment me and each other and it’s genuine. We can all learn from that.
My ultimate goal is not to be skinny. It’s to be healthy. And if this is the body I’m going to be healthy in and I’m a size 14, well then that’s what it’s going to be and I’m going to love and embrace it. Though deep down inside I yearn to be a 10. See? Lovely psychological self esteem issues rearing it’s ugly head. I don’t think it’s wrong to want to lose weight or to be a certain way, I just can’t be someone I’m not. I am me, and that’s who I am and I LOVE WHO I AM, damnit.
Twirling pasties is not as easy as one thinks with these boulders, but I’ll get the hang of it soon.
When I’m in Vegas next week, I will prance about in my bikini and not give 2 damns about anyone else.
With that said, signing off for now.
Gina. Aka Minnie Peron.