Oh, so you know that the kids these days, they use COUGH MEDICINE? Oh why oh why oh why do you want to feel that way?
Thursday I came home from work – I took some Nyquil. Sleepytime. I drift in and out of sleepies. It feels nice. Yes, so niiceZzzzz…
Thursday night – I take some more NyQuil. Nyquil helps you get your Zzzzz’s. Nyquil also makes you feel like THERE IS A BIG EARTHQUAKE AND YOUR BRAIN IS ON FIRE AND OH MY GOSH I CAN’T FEEL MY LEGS WHERE ARE MY LEGZZZZ?? No, there wasn’t an earthquake, but there was one in Japan the next morning. COINCIDENCE? Most likely.
Friday, oh wonderful Friday I am going to drink some more Nyquil so I can sleep all day. Oh yeah, that’s when your body starts reverberating and your whole body becomes a vibrator of life. I am vibrating. I do not like this. Oh, shit, I can’t feel my legs or my arms. Do I have legs? My fingers, where are they?
Saturday: Shiiiit, I’m going to pop some Dristan to stay awake, and no more Nyquil until night time sleepy times. I get in the car to drive and I feel like it’s another body driving the car when SLAM the teenager backs into my car. All is well, I’m still alive.
Sunday: I have a cough. A loud unnerving cough that makes me projectile vomit into the toilet from coughing up 5 lungs. Look what’s in the cupboard, GENERIC REXALL BRAND COUGH EXPECTORANT! Yeah! Score! No, no score. NO NO NO. All day I felt like my brain was discombobulated. I don’t know what heroin or crack is like, but I could only imagine I had a mild case of the shakes. My whole day was an out of body experience. Was that me driving the car? Did I leave the door open while I poo’ed? Ugh, what is going ON? Why did I watch a documentary about guys obsessed with Tiffany? WHY?
Today is Monday. Monday means I drink green ginger tea and also take nin jiom, the natural stuff. I do not feel like I’m smoking crack and I can also feel my legs.
I am going to put this one down as the most awesomest weekends of my life.