Cough Medicine Leaks in your Brain.

Oh, so you know that the kids these days, they use COUGH MEDICINE? Oh why oh why oh why do you want to feel that way?

Thursday I came home from work – I took some Nyquil. Sleepytime. I drift in and out of sleepies. It feels nice. Yes, so niiceZzzzz…

Thursday night – I take some more NyQuil. Nyquil helps you get your Zzzzz’s. Nyquil also makes you feel like THERE IS A BIG EARTHQUAKE AND YOUR BRAIN IS ON FIRE AND OH MY GOSH I CAN’T FEEL MY LEGS WHERE ARE MY LEGZZZZ?? No, there wasn’t an earthquake, but there was one in Japan the next morning. COINCIDENCE? Most likely.

Friday, oh wonderful Friday I am going to drink some more Nyquil so I can sleep all day. Oh yeah, that’s when your body starts reverberating and your whole body becomes a vibrator of life. I am vibrating. I do not like this. Oh, shit, I can’t feel my legs or my arms. Do I have legs? My fingers, where are they?

Saturday: Shiiiit, I’m going to pop some Dristan to stay awake, and no more Nyquil until night time sleepy times. I get in the car to drive and I feel like it’s another body driving the car when SLAM the teenager backs into my car. All is well, I’m still alive.

Sunday: I have a cough. A loud unnerving cough that makes me projectile vomit into the toilet from coughing up 5 lungs. Look what’s in the cupboard, GENERIC REXALL BRAND COUGH EXPECTORANT! Yeah! Score! No, no score. NO NO NO. All day I felt like my brain was discombobulated. I don’t know what heroin or crack is like, but I could only imagine I had a mild case of the shakes. My whole day was an out of body experience. Was that me driving the car? Did I leave the door open while I poo’ed? Ugh, what is going ON? Why did I watch a documentary about guys obsessed with Tiffany? WHY?

Today is Monday. Monday means I drink green ginger tea and also take nin jiom, the natural stuff. I do not feel like I’m smoking crack and I can also feel my legs.

I am going to put this one down as the most awesomest weekends of my life.

 

So, here we are.

A couple things.

I made a decision to put my Photography on hiatus.

1. I don’t market myself, ever. I don’t pimp myself out as hard as others.
2. Friends don’t ask for photo’s anymore, and that’s okay. I’m still here, just not so out there about it.
3. I’ve become lazy and also have found other hobbies.
4. My camera is getting REALLY old and I need new equipment. The goal is to do all of this in the next year.
5. I don’t even know that I want to do it anymore. Time changes, and I might change my mind. Who knows?

I’m still going to do ad-hoc projects if need be, but right now, I have no portfolio online. I don’t know if this is all a good thing or not. It just is.

In other news, I am alive.

ALIVE! Things are going quite well. I am on the road to paying off my debt (end of April 2012, baby!)

My job is great. I was just promoted. I am now not only the assisted to the VP of Operations, I am the office administrator, which kind of makes me a manager, but I’m working my way up. It feels good to be needed and to get the recognition. I have a lot of support from coworkers and the employees here, which makes it that much more fantastic. I’m looking forward to learning all about how to be a Manager and what not to do/what to do and all that jazz.

I’m also looking forward to my Vegas vacation in April, a potential ┬áCalifornia trip in summer, a family vacation to who knows where in the fall, and maybe next year I will FINALLY go to Argentina. Dreams!

Also, I am completely in love with Jayne Mansfield. I want to look like a 50’s starlet all the time. That’s my goal. It’s silly, but that’s who I am. I bought a starlets book for Christmas for myself and every once in a while I like to leaf through and pick who I’m in love with that day. Lately, it’s Jayne.

Stepping the Children.

One is going to be 11 in 1 day.

One is going to be 5 in 1.5 months.

I struggle. I struggle with my own intuition. How is it going to work (yes, I still ask this question)? We’re not a conventional family.

I’ve known the oldest since she was 6 and the youngest since she was 10 months old. I’ve been with Darcy for 4.5 years. We’re not married, but we may as well be (without the legal papers of course).

I struggle with the fact that I’m not perfect.

I wonder if they think I’m crazy? Why do they want to spend all this time with me? Why do they follow me around like puppy dogs? They must love me. No no no they must absolutely abhor me and it’s all a farce.

Internal dialogue is a bitch sometimes, isn’t it?

It’s just this: the kids love me. They respect me (most of the time). I discipline them as if they were my own. They have a mother, a father, and an extra parent which is hard for them. Of course it’s hard for them! How could it not be? I’m sure it’s also fun for them too. I know it’s fun for them.

But it’s not always fun for me.

My favourite part? When I come home and I see 2 children through the window, excited that I’m about to walk in the door. And then I get hugs (mostly from the youngest, since the oldest is not that affectionate!), and love. Hugs and Love and Excitement because I CAME HOME. CAN YOU TELL HOW EXCITING THAT IS? And if I’m in a bad mood, it goes away, because how can you not LOVE getting so much attention and excitement from 2 little beings?!

And through all the bad (which isn’t all that bad), there is so much good. So much love.

For us:
Yes, we struggle.
Yes, we sometimes can’t agree on how to parent.
Yes, we can’t agree on bed times.
Yes, I ask the ex-wife for advice at times.
Yes, I end up making him look like the bad guy.
Yes, I am the bad guy a lot of the time.
Yes, this is all perfectly normal and HEALTHY, right?