I love my boyfriends children. They are great. They are fun and full of energy. They love me, I love them.
However, this still means I am not their mother or their father. I struggle with this. Do I sit back and watch them do things I know they shouldn’t be doing or do I discipline them? I discipline them. I have back up from their Dad, so that helps. Their Mom also encourages me to find what’s right for me and the children. That’s helpful and I’m thankful that we can all get along in that aspect.
The weekends though, are feeling longer. The older one is not sleeping well (I assume due to hormones/puberty) and she is feeling more needier. This doesn’t bode well with me as I was an independent child (ask my Mom!) .. I can only comfort her for so long and so much before I lose sight of the problem at hand and before I feel like she is taking advantage of my willingness to help.
That means that I’m awake, Dad is awake and the kids are awake. Not only going to bed late, but waking up early (630!!!) on the weekends is totally unacceptable to me.
Now, people ask me why I don’t want my own kids? Prime example: Babies don’t really let you sleep. I don’t want that life, I don’t covet that life and I never ever wanted to have that life. And I never will.
Being with a m
an who has children that are NOT babies, I thought this would be perfect. Well, I’m learning it’s not all perfect. For one must remember the time when they were children and waking up their parents all the time. Or did they? I’m confused about all of this. Is it normal? Is there anything else I can do to help her?
I love them to death, I would die for them as if they were my own children.. but sometimes it’s so defeating and I feel like I’m failing. Even though I get assurance I am doing the right thing, there has to be more that I can do.
Starting next week, there is no more chances. Sometimes they have a problem with listening and asking them 3 times in a row to do something is maddening. So next week, we’re instilling the ‘no chances’ policy and we’ll see how that works. Yes it sucks, yes they cry, but it’s the only way that I am going to hopefully be able to gain more respect and they will know that I’m serious about everything.
I’m hoping it works. If it doesn’t, I’ll find a new way. And when I say I, I should say ‘we’ because their Dad is with me on this one. I know it’s hard for him, but it’s hard for me too.
It’s very difficult being the girlfriend in a relationship with kids. It’s harder than being a Mother. And I have more respect for people who are in relationships with kids who are not their own, because I’m going through it.
I know it was my choice, and it’s a choice that I’m willing to take a risk at. When you love someone, you love them unconditionally and you also love their children. And if you can’t, then you have a big problem.
Suffice to say, I’m struggling. Some days I don’t struggle at all and then there are days where I don’t know what else to do but cry. Crying is definitely not for babies anymore. Crying is the new black.
No woe is me here, you know? It’s the reality of the situation at hand. I must tell you that therapy has pretty much kept my sane and above water and less destructive.