In December 2006 I was unhappy. I mean, I was unhappy for years before that, but in December 2006 I decided to take charge of my life.
In January 2007 I joined a program called Fit & Fab at my local gym. It consisted of working out (wow!) and ‘eating clean’. In May 2007, I left my husband. I was fit, I was down to a weight I actually felt myself in. For so many years I was overweight, unhappy, and stuck in a black hole that wasn’t my life. I was coasting through life. I was living a double life. I was living as the wife, and I was living as what I wanted my life to be. These 2 can’t live together.
(When I look at this photo I want to cry. I want to be that girl again.)
I had this new body, I had a new boyfriend, I was living life.. I was feeling good, confident and ready to DO SOMETHING. I was also drinking heavily. I was self destructive. I did things that someone should never do to themselves or the person they love. But damnit, I looked good.
In 2008, I moved to Vancouver for a new job, I was a size 10, damn I was feeling good. A new job AND I was still maintaining my body somewhat.
Then it all went downhill. Those months of coasting on just drinking and barely eating, the constant boxing classes I was taking (it hurt it hurt so good).. it just caught up with me. I started eating whatever I wanted, I had numerous health problems and I just went downhill. I was unhappy again. Gaining weight, feeling down on myself, trying anything to lose a few pounds.
Fast forward, here we are today.
I am unhappy with my body. I have been for a long time. We can never be happy with what we have, right? We have self image and body issues. We could all be more thinner, prettier and smarter.
I just want to be healthy. I haven’t gone one day without some sort of health problem. On Sunday I decided that this was it.. I’m getting my body back, I’m getting my health back and I will no longer not care. I care about myself and that’s why I’m doing this..
There is no silly challenge or time frame or anything, I am just going to do it and go with the flow. I am going to eat better, drink less and work out more. I am going to take my supplements every day, my b12 injections 3 times a week and I am going to do this.
People will love you no matter your size, but if you are not happy, then.. you change. And that’s what I’m going to do. I don’t want to keep having to wear swim shorts at the pool, I want to wear a bikini again. I don’t want to keep having to tug down my shirt to hide my stomach fat. I don’t want to have to wear spanx and/or tights all the damn time.
Look at that stomach. JUST LOOK AT IT. Now I can’t even see my own vagina. Barely.